Love Letters

“The sudden bound from mournful resignation to infinite felicity seemed to upset me. Even now I am still beside myself and sometimes I tremble lest I should suddenly awaken from this dream divine.”
-Victor Hugo, in a “love letter” to his wife Adele


 Dear Kidneys,
Sorry about the 3 pound bag of Sweettart jellybeans I ate today.
Love, B
Dear All The Clothes I Hand-Washed Today,
You are annoying.
Love, B
Dear Jackson F. Brown,
You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. So far.
Love, B
Dear Lavendar,
I wish the whole world smelled like you.
Love, B
Dear Taco Bell Drive-Thru Man Whom Gave Me a Free Pepsi Today,
Thank you!
Love, B
Dear June,
I can’t wait see you again. I will basque in you.
Love, B
Dear Clean Sheets,
You may possibly be my highest ideal of earthly bliss.
Love, B
Dear Sleeping In- My Long-Lost Friend,
We will reunite someday.
Love, B
Dear Chewable Vitamin-C Tablets,
The jig is up. I know you’re candy in disguise. And I’m not mad.
Love, B
Dear Elvis,
Oh just… Everything. 
Love, B
Dear Beloved Cameo Collection,
Just thinking of you makes me serenely happy.
Love, B
Dear Webster’s Pocket Dictionary,
You are my favorite nerdy pleasure.
Love, B
Dear Pachelbel Canon in D,
You never stop giving. My soul is ardently enamored with you.
Love, B
Dear Ginger Ale,
I think I’m the only human under the age of 67 that drinks you. But I’ll drink you ’til I’m 67 at least. 
Love, B
Dear Singing In The Shower,
You make me supremely happy.
Love, B
Dear Always Sunny In Philadelphia,
You are completely inappropriate. But I love you just the same.
Love, B
Dear Tiramasu,
Thank you for all that you are.
Love, B
Dear Getting Waxed,
You’re so worth the agony.
Love, B
Dear Brothers On Missions,
Sometimes I miss you all the time.
Love, B
Dear Little Sisters,
Stop growing.
Love, B
Dear Popsicles (Dad),
I owe you: about four sets of tires, a totaled Range Rover, some car payments, among other things. You will probably never get them from me. But I love you more than Webster’s or I can express.
Love, B
Dear Mama,
I want to be you in most every way.
Love, B
Dear Scoliosis,
Go away.
Love, B
Dear Cheeseburgers,
I could eat one of you every. single. day.
Love, B
Dear Downloading Music Until The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning,
I may need to leave you for awhile and seek out some sort of 12-step program.
Love, B
Dear People Who Say “I Could Care Less”,
I hate you.
Love, B
Dear Les Miserables,
I think you were written just for me.
Love, B
Dear The Age of Innocence,
You are tragically beautiful. Just like Elpheba.
Love, B
Dear Pile Of Laundry I Have To Fold,
See you on my floor in a big pile tomorrow! Take care.
Love, B
Dear Organic Skim Milk,
I know you’re a scam. But I can’t stop!
Love, B
Dear Washing My Hair Every Day,
R.I.P.
Love, B
Dear Cary Grant,
You are intoxicating.
Love, B
Dear Hello Kitty,
I still kind of adore you and get a little thrill when I see you on stuff, like the Band-Aids I bought at Target last week.
Love, B
Dear March Madness,
I don’t get it.
Love, B
Dear Antique Stores,
How does one live life without you?
Love, B
Dear The Kardashians,
Be nicer to Scott. He’s kinda funny.
Love, B
Dear Bompa (My three-year old moniker for “Grandpa”),
My heart belongs to you.
Love, B
Dear Carla Bruni,
I loved you even more when I found out you had an affair with Mick Jagger. Please tell me there is a love child out there somewhere… And where I can buy their album…
Love, B
Dear French,
I want to learn you soon.
Love, B
Dear Hearing and Sight, 
Please never, never leave me.
Love, B
Dear Anne Shirley,
I want to be you. Minus the red hair of course.
Love, B
Dear Swimming Laps,
Let’s be friends again.
Love, B
Dear Now ‘N’ Laters,
I thought I’d be over you by now. It seems I’m not. 
Love, B
Dear Making Lists,
Please explain why crossing things off of you gives me such sick thrills? So much so that I write mindless things like, “Brush teeth” on you just so I can cross it off? I don’t understand.
Love, B
Dear Book About Jack The Ripper That I’m Reading,
You are a creep. And I am a creep for reading you in the first place.
Love, B
Dear The Word Diabolical,
I kind of love you.
Love, B
Dear Making Paper Chains To Count Down To Stuff,
I don’t think you’re juvenile. I appreciate everything you stand for.
Love, B
Dear The Phrase “Son of a B#*%$”,
You very well may be my go-to.
Love, B
Dear Scarlett O’ Hara,
So much of me wishes I could be you.
Love, B
Dear Kona Mochas at See’s Candies,
Marry me.
Love, B
Peace and Love.
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Follow That Dream

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“There is a danger in the word someday when what it means is ‘not this day.’…The thought ‘Someday I will’ can be a thief of the opportunities of time and the blessings of eternity.”
-Henry B. Eyring

Someday I will:

Birth a child
Go to Greece
Go to grad school
Visit Green Gables
Get a gym membership
Read the Bible
See The Rolling Stones with my dad
Not live in snow
Have a beach house
See my Uncle Brad again
Choose someone else’s happiness over my own
Bathe in a waterfall(not even kidding)
Have a son named Henry
Learn how to sew
Cut my hair regularly
Watch the real news instead of E’s Daily Ten
Meet Matt Dillon
Not need my inhaler
Buy a beach cruiser
Be one with nature
Have a dog named Elvis
Be the best at something
See Van Gogh’s Memory of the Garden at Etten for real and somehow try to exit the premises with it on my “person”…
Know all there is to know about the mafia
Learn to make a souffle
Read all of Edith Wharton’s books
Sleep outside
Skinny-dip… again
See Les Mis in London
Read The Age of Innocence under a tree with minted Ginger Ale and… macaroons
Try Raspberry Cordial for real
Catch a fish
Buy something from Anthro not on sale
Recycle, Reduce, ReUse
Initiate a national ban against mayonnaise
Publish a manuscript
Drink however much water a day I’m supposed to
Plant a garden
Smile though my heart is aching
Dance in my kitchen with Mr. Wonderful
Have an intoxicating kiss in the rain just like Holly and Paul
Furnish a home in love, laughter, truth, and vintage
See India
Dedicate a whole day to Cary Grant movies
Perfect my glow
Personify “incandescently happy”
Play the piano again
Love a little girl named Fiona. Or Vivienne. Maybe I will love two little girls (!)
Perfectly epitomize Audrey H.
Master my “muchness”
Find the perfect pair of pencil pants
Visit Venice
Make love not war
Protest against littering
Sing on stage
Stop believing in mermaids
Bow at my Savior’s feet
Learn how to prioritize
Save money
Have a trellis of hydrangeas
Be enchanted by NY again
See the orchestra- any orchestra
Put my personal touch on the world
Sing Moonriver as a lullaby
Memorize all the parts of the brain and their functions
Learn to separate my imaginings from my realities
Learn to cope with my imaginings not being my realities
Try a Turkish Delight
Not go one day without praying
Hold a starfish
Will not want what I can never have
Reach my potential
Know every little thing about something utterly significant
Know every little thing about something utterly insignificant (I’m well on my way to that one already, actually)
Go almost all the way completely Green
Have to stop going to Strung Out shows…
Not regret not smoking weed
See an opera- any opera (which will most likely spoil everyday life for me forever-after)
Be the portrait of a lady- at least once
Be able to shop at a Farmer’s Market every Saturday morning
Know all about all the constellations
Care about politics
Dance to Moonriver in an ethereal white dress
Find meaning outside myself
Learn French
Put notes in my kids lunches

… Hopefully before my eternity runs out.

Peace and Love.
Artwork: “Memories of the Garden at Etten” by Vincent Van Gogh