“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
There are so, so many things I love about life- which I’m sure you’ve gathered. There are some things I hate about it, too. In the true spirit of Sunday, let me just elucidate for you a few of my non-favorite things. Just in case we ever meet, you will know what not to talk to me about. Ready, set, go…
1. When people smell like food.
2. Mayonnaise. I’ve never trusted it and never will.
4. I believe I’ve protested against this one before, but, I have absolutely no time for people who say “could care less”. No time.
6. Bejeweled clothing.
7. People who litter.
8. Guys who wear pink shirts.
9. Waking up to an alarm.
10. Sticking needles in my arm (Jk).
11. Snow aka @#$%.
12. Fast Sundays.
13. Dreamcatchers. Ugh.
14. Do I even have to list cats?
15. Dirty fingernails. Cue gag reflex…
16. The smell of metal.
17. Tobey Maguire in Spiderman.
18. Anne Hathaway in anything.
19. Animal cruelty. This one’s new. And totally unexpected since I don’t even like animals. And since cruelty in some form another comes so naturally to me. I don’t get it. But whatever.
20. This exchange:
B: “What if God was one of us… Just a stranger, one of us…”
Anyone, anyone at all: “Hey who sings that?”
B: “Joan Osbourne, I think.”
Anyone, anyone at all: “Yeah, let’s keep it that way.“
B: “Oh… Ha. Welp, excuse me while I go put some water in your mom’s dish.”
21. Gingers. This abhorrence in particular I inherited from my darling Uncle Brad. (Except for Joan on Mad Men. I la la LOVE her.)
22. Peggy on Mad Men. I do not la la love her.
23. When girls wear purses and backpacks to school. Pick one.
24. Kids. Jk.
25. The name Ann. Everyone knows it looks dreadful. Anne with an “e” is much more distinguished.
26. Loud breathers.
28. Hot diggity dogs. I know. How can I even claim being American?